Breakups: How To Get Over Your Ex During The Pandemic?

Breakups were already hard, and with the ongoing COVID-19 moving on from a relationship has never been more complicated. I experienced this hardship first-hand when my ex-boyfriend, Roy, and I decided to break up after I thought I found the one. He had to move away for work. I would be lying if I said I was over him. Thankfully I have found a few ways to cope with a heart break during this ongoing pandemic.

What Happened To Us?

When Roy first told me that he will be leaving to Sarawak for work, saying I was upset would be an understatement. I had played the scenario of our breakup a million times in my mind. And I always felt like I should have fought more for the relationship. Until I found out that not only was he not moving away immediately, but also that he was on Tinder a few days after our breakup.

I was outraged. The fact that I learnt all this from a friend of mine, Tia made me feel worse. Roy is a doctor who treats COVID-19 patients. Tia had contacted him for some medical advice on what the symptoms of COVID-19 are, and that was how she learnt about all this.

I have to admit that a part of me always thought that we would end up together in the long run. I had hope sometime in the distant future we would rekindle our relationship. So, I never really worked on getting OVER the breakup. However, it was evident that I should.

How The Pandemic Makes Breakups Harder

It’s true, the pandemic has changed the lifestyle of many people. I used to be able to go out with my friends to take my mind off any breakup, or go on dates with new people. This was to remind myself what I wanted from a new relationship. The thing that I missed the most was the fact that it was no longer safe for me to be outside doing activities like archery, yoga or even dining in an restaurant, alone.

So how can I move on when I can no longer do the things I used to love when I was single?

Be Kind To Yourself After Breakups

Even before the pandemic, I am sure many others are like me, often find ourselves entangling in a self-blaming loop. I felt like I should have made better choices during our relationship. Other times, I felt like I should have been wiser in picking a romantic partner.

No matter how I felt about Roy, the outcome was that I was blaming myself for the breakup. I needed to stop doing that. I knew it’s normal to feel sad, hurt, confused and rejected after a breakup. However, rather than giving in to that feeling, I started to talk to myself how I would talk to my best friend if she had gone through a breakup.

I slowly started to give myself words of encouragement. I started waking every morning and giving myself a pep talk. In my pep talk, I would remind myself that I am a beautiful, smart and a warm person. Not to mention, that anyone would be grateful to have. I told myself that this breakup was a stepping stone, and things will get better. That really helped me to see the more positive side of my breakup.

Find New things To do After A Breakup

One of my newest obsession has been candle making. I felt like I was never able to do it while in a relationship. I felt like I already had my work to keep me busy. Every available time I had, I divided it between my friends and my Roy.  After the breakup, I bought more candle making supplies and decided to dive right into this new hobby.

To be honest, I didn’t even know how to start candle making and the YouTube videos on the topic didn’t really help until I found Meetup. It’s a fantastic website that can definitely make a difference by opening your world to new fun things that you might not even have considered before.

You can join a group to meet people, make friends, find support, grow a business, and explore your interests. This really helped me to see the brighter side of my breakup. It also helped me to interact better with people. I even found a whole community of candle fanatics that kept me company and taught me how to make candle the right way.

The best part of this hobby is that, it’s something that doesn’t remind me of Roy because I didn’t do this when we were still in a relationship. It’s a completely new thing that takes my mind off our breakup. Having a completely new hobby or activity to do that you have never done before with the same person you are trying to forget is good. It reminds you that if you can still learn new things after a breakup, you can surely move on.

Ask Friends For Help 

Whilst we’re stuck at home during the pandemic, we have to be more communicative. We have to reach out to others not only when we are feeling happy but also when we feel upset. I had to remind myself constantly that I wasn’t alone. Fortunately for me, I also have amazing friends who not only were there for me but also disliked Roy as much as I did.

I know it sounds petty but seeing how much my friends disliked Roy gave me a sense of confidence. It made me feel like I had people to back me up no matter what, and that’s a powerful feeling. My friends were there when I was crying my eyeballs out. They are still around when I needed someone to just listen.

Moving On Is Harder But Not Impossible!

While COVID-19 makes it challenging to replenish oxytocin (love hormone) through touch, laughter, and connection, it is not impossible. Connecting through video chat with friends and family is a great way to remind yourself that love is still out there. Getting together for a video brunch or happy hour is an excellent way to connect when you cannot see your favourite people in person. Touch is also not impossible during COVID-19; self-massage is a great way to increase oxytocin and reduce cortisol, a stress hormone.

Since Meetup began nearly 20 years ago, they have fostered connections between more than 50 million people in 190 countries worldwide. It would be the perfect way to meet new people whilst coping with breakups and discovering new interests! And it’s completely free for sign up!

This article is part of Espoletta’s CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility) initiatives.